The Love That Could Never Be
by mangalover16
Summary: "Why did I leave you with Lily if you were to die? I left her to you because you could give her everything that I couldn't."   The anguish of Snape as he discovers Lily dead in front of his very own eyes, his mind racing with everything he never said.


**A/N: Inspired by the Prince's Tale from Deathly Hallows Part 2 and Avril Lavigne's song "Slipped Away". The movie simply killed me and it will probably be my most favorite one, even if it is the very last one that will ever be made. You know I ship James/Lily like crazy, but after the movie I simply couldn't resist writing a bit of angst, because Alan Rickman is one hell of an actor and he better win every single Oscar that exists. **

**Thank you, J.K. Rowling, for creating the series that will forever live on in the hearts of many.**

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><p><em>The Love That Could Never Be<em>

_Kill_.

"Avada Kedavara!" was shouted but suddenly, everything went terribly wrong as the flash of green light the not-quite fully human had gotten accustomed to was thrown back in his own face, blinding him as he heard a yell cry out from his own mouth as the world seemed to disappear into darkness...

Severus Snape opened his eyes and found himself hiding inside a narrow passageway right next to the area of open space where other Death Eaters fought against weak wizards, trying to protect themselves and their children. Bellatrix Lestrange's maniacal laughter could be heard from a few feet away as she tortured a couple with the Cruciatus Curse.

Why wasn't he himself fighting again? Oh that's right. He was Dumbledore's man now. He would always and forever be Dumbledore's man, now that the fate of Lily Evans lied in that old man's hand.

Actually, it was Lily Evans Potter now, he thought bitterly. The words he had never been able to say to her always occupied his mind whenever he saw her. Next time, he always promised, next time he would tell her how he felt about her, whether she would stop to listen or not. It had actually been a few months since he had last spotted her from afar, walking hand in hand with her beloved husband, that Potter, while strolling in the park with their new baby in a stroller. Severus hadn't dwadled much after that sighting though; he had disapparated from sight within seconds, so his heart would stop throbbing from pain.

How he longed to say his true feelings towards her. He had been a fool, back at Hogwarts. A cowardly fool, unable to speak what was really on his mind to the girl he loved. If there had to be one thing he envied of that Potter, it was that _he_ wasn't scared to proclaim his love. He wasn't scared of the thought of rejection, unlike Severus himself.

"SNAPE!"

Severus reopened his eyes once more to find the scene he had been watching just a few minutes earlier, quite different. Screams and flashes of lights were everywhere, but this time they belonged to the Death Eaters, as many members disapparated left and right, as chaos ensued.

"What's happened?" Severus asked Mulciber, who watched in horror as Ministry officials descended upon the slow-moving Dolohov, capturing him immediately and within the blink of an eye, disappeared, no doubt straight to Azkaban.

Mulciber turned around and looked at Snape. "He's fallen." Without another word, he too was immediately gone from sight.

_He's fallen._

_ The Dark Lord has fallen._

But how could that be? _He _ is _invincible._

Did the Dark Lord go to kill the boy propheted to have the power to vanquish him?

Realizing he could not stand there much longer or else he himself would be captured, he closed his eyes tightly and disapparated without a destination in mind.

When the spinning had stopped and he could breathe again, inhaling smoke by accident, his eyes flew open and he nearly fell onto the ground upon seeing what was before his eyes.

Lily Evans Potter's house in Godric's Hallow, set aflame.

"No...please no...Please...No..." His legs speed walked into the house. Broken furniture was everywhere, bits and pieces of glass were lying on the carpet. He walked further into the house he had never actually been into, but it was if he knew exactly where to go.

"Lily! LILY! Answer me! PLEASE!"

Blinded by the smoke in the air, he almost tripped over something blocking the doorway. Severus looked down and stared at a dead James Potter, wand still in his hand and his eyes bearing a look of horror. Not fully knowing why he was bending down and holding the body of the man he hated more than anyone, Severus placed his arms on James' shoulders, loathing into the face who had teased him for six years.

"'You're a fool, Potter," he said softly. "How dare you die. Even though I never liked you. Even when you're dead in front of my eyes, I don't like you. I hate you. Do you know what it feels like to see the woman you love fall intothe arms of someone else? Do you know what it felt like to see you proudly parade around with her at Hogwarts, arm in arm? Do you know what it's like to see you two with your child as a happy family? DO YOU, POTTER? DO YOU?" He shook James' shoulders over and over; James' head snapped back and seemed to stare into nothing. It was under the nearby dwindling flame that Severus noticed the drying marks that were left from tears on James' face.

Severus slowly let go of James and placed him by the side. "Why did I leave you with Lily if you were to die? I left her to you because you could give her everything that I couldn't."

He got up and continued down the hall, where a crying baby's voice was suddenly loud and clear in his ears. The closer he got to the room at the very end, the louder it sounded. Severus knew that's where he needed to go, to solve the question that was pounding in his head.

He was scared. Scared to find out the answer he already knew.

Taking a deep breath, he entered the doorway and immediately he regretted it.

_ No._

His knees gave way entirely and Severus fell to the floor, crying as if he had never cried before at the sight of Lily Evan's dead body on the ground, her bones in unnatural positions and her open eyes that reflected horror; the once brilliant emerald green color had faded into a dull green, almost a different color entirely.

He hugged Lily's body close to his own as his tears continued to cascade like a waterfall down his face and onto her glorious red hair.

_"Lily, wait up!"_

_ She turned around and looked down at him, huffing and puffing at the bottom of the stairs. She flashed a briliant smile which seemed to shine off her eyes. "Hurry up, Sev!" With another laugh, she continued to run up the stairs while Severus chased after her, laughing along, as if he hadn't a care in the world._

He had never really hugged her before. They had hugged as children, but never did again as they grew into mature young adults who chose separate paths.

He longed to feel the warmth of her body against his, the beating of her heart matching his own.

This was not the way he was supposed to embrace Lily Evans. Not at all how he had planned nor desired.

All that was there was an empty shell with no heart beat and the quickly escaping warmth, replaced by a cold that could never be warmed again.

"Lily, I never got to tell you, did I?" he whispered against her hair as his grip tightened to hold back the sobs.

It was too late now. He had missed his chance. He would never have the chance again.

"If I could rewind time, I would," he gazed into the pair of eyes that would never gleam at him again and wiped away the tears on her face. "I would do it all better. I would do it all right. I'm sorry, Lily. I'm a fool who didn't deserve your friendship. Yet you stayed with me until I pushed you away. I was the biggest fool and I regret it. I regret it all.

Because Lily...I've loved you since the day I first laid my eyes on you. I loved you while you started dating that Potter, and I loved you even when you married him, bearing his child. To this day, Lily Evans, I still love you and I will never stop loving you."

"Expecto Patronum!"

The doe galloped from the tip of the wand and swirled around the couple that was not destined to be and would never be together, as Severus continued to sob and hold onto the one person in the world who had truly wanted to know him. Who actually tried. Who would forever remain the only person who had really known Severus Snape.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you all liked this. It's quite long for a one-shot but I was on a roll and couldn't stop (along with the tears I cried while writing it). Please review! I do love reviews. They make me smile! Seriously! Also I will FINALLY be updating my James/Lily chaptered fic, which is long overdue for an update...but yes I will. And please check out my James/Lily one shot that I published recently! Thank you all! **


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